he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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