Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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