i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
one might say we're banned from that church
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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