She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
