If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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