i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
