PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
