It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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