I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
