Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
