never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
