He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
