im drinking this country out of the recession.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
