So drunk its hurt
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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