just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
