I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
