Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
try to milk me bitch
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