Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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