Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
