i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
