u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
