Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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