I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
