my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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