I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
