You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
