you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
so much tequila, so little girl.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
