Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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