so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
