my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
