We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
