haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize