ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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