That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
