Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
