I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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