i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
