Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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