too bad you live with your parents still
they need to just BURY HIM!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
