Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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