Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize