I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Sober January is a disaster.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
