dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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