Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
