So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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