she woke up with a sticky ear
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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