i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
