HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I skipped work to stalk him.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
