his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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