my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
only if we run a train.
done.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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