if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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