Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
