dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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