there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
