Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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