I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
