I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
