Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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