piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
