I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My vagina just recognized that song.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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