do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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