im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
