you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
