Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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