Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
